Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
