i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
