It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
