btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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