I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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