it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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