I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize