so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
