Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he thought i was a dude.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
