And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
