How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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