A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
