Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
