I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
