I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
