hotel room ftw
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
