its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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