It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
