The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
