Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
