went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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