I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
