I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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