Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
