he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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