I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize