She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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