he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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