New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
