I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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