pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
