someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
