just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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