i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
