Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
