A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The air taste purple.
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