i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
