Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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