so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this boner is exhausting
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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