Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
