My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
