he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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