Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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