Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
