pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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