I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You work out of a Hotel?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
