Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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