You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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