I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
