I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
