just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
