My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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