I showed him my bush... on skype.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
