Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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