just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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