i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
