is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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