i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
