absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
