IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize