I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
