Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
