I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dicks are not precious.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
