Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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